Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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