If i come over, it means nothing
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
