the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
