woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
