I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
