she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
