have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
