Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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