I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My feet surprised me
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