at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
