i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
