He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
