If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
