Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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