You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
