i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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