I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
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You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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