Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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