ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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