Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I need help removing her.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
