im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dick very happy bro
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
