Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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