We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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