I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
