Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
