Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
