is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
