The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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