my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
