I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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