At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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