I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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