He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
