he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
