i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
