I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
