Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
