You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
