This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
