Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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