did you get engaged???
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
