I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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