she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
