i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
