Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
