My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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