There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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