If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
