Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
