Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
