I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Shame - the story of my life.
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