Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
