i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
