ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
