Moan for me like Helen Keller
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
