And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
