Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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