suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Boobs are out for the taking
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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