just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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