You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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