It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
