Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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