only if we run a train.
done.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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