It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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