Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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