You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
