What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
where does the pee come out of this thing
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
