I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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