He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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