Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
