hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
