Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
