if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
