i just sent this text using only my big toe
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
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Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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