I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I deserve this hangover.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
