Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Holy sore nipples Batman
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
