Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize