Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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