I can tuck mytits in my pants
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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