why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
